Grab a fancy drink and join us for this deep conversation about everything from self care to religion. Lisa Guen of Courageous and Curvaceous shared about her mental health experiences, how she's cared for herself through out, and handling big transitions like motherhood and new diagnoses.
Here's where you can find Lisa:
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/courageous.curvaceous/
Website - http://www.courageousandcurvaceous.com/
Here's where you can find me:
Own Your Self Care Starter Kit - https://theselfcare.life/own-your-self-care/
TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@theselfcarelifestyle
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/sarastrives/
Intro and Outro Music:
Summer Vibes by Simon More https://soundcloud.com/user-73416670
Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0
Free Download / Stream: https://bit.ly/_summer-vibes
Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/FTUkaPnYdLU
Grab a fancy drink and join us for this deep conversation about everything from self care to religion. Lisa Guen of Courageous and Curvaceous shared about her mental health experiences, how she's cared for herself through out, and handling big transitions like motherhood and new diagnoses.
Here's where you can find Lisa:
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/courageous.curvaceous/
Website - http://www.courageousandcurvaceous.com/
Here's where you can find me:
Own Your Self Care Starter Kit - https://theselfcare.life/own-your-self-care/
TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@theselfcarelifestyle
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/sarastrives/
Intro and Outro Music:
Summer Vibes by Simon More https://soundcloud.com/user-73416670
Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0
Free Download / Stream: https://bit.ly/_summer-vibes
Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/FTUkaPnYdLU
With a thousand things on our to do list, a lot of us are doing life on constant autopilot forgetting to care for ourselves feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with the way things are. I strive to help you, the everyday woman to stop and to embrace the power of effective self care, in order to reduce overwhelm and anxiety and find fulfilment in your everyday life. I'm Sara Miller, and I'm here to help you stop going through the motions and start being the happiest and healthiest version of you all by caring for yourself, like someone worth caring for. Join me for conversations about self care, wellness, mindfulness, and so much more that will help you find your own self care lifestyle. I'm Sara, and you're listening to The Self Care Lifestyle Podcast. Welcome, welcome. I am so excited to have Lisa here. Lisa is actually a former teacher of mine, and a good friend all these years later. So I'm just really excited to have her on to chat. Do you want to take a second and introduce yourself?
Lisa Guen:Yeah, so my name is Lisa Guen. I am a training and development specialist for an employee assistance program. So I work with a lot of counselors and therapists and teach on like self care topics, as well as professional development,managerial topics, too. And I'm also a mom, a brand new mom with a two month old named Ollie, who's just wonderful. So I'm navigating through that. My husband is also a deaf man. And so that adds a layer of just rewarding complexity to my marriage, as well as my anxiety management to and how I navigate my stress and how we support one another. And also, I have my own sort of blog that I'm developing right now called Courageous, Curvaceous, it's about really being bold, and living out your inner truth, and being able to share that with the world. So that's just all about me.
Sara Miller:I love it. And I've loved your recent shift and talking more and more about mental health on your page. Your graphics are phenomenal. So that's great. Um, so I guess just to start off, what really piqued your interest in the self care space, the mental health space. I know you transitioned from like, at one point, you were a makeup artist. And then at one point you were you were teaching and then you landed at an EAP. So what did that journey look like? Why did you get interested in that?
Lisa Guen:Yeah. So growing up in the household that I was in, self care was not a thing. It I grew up with a parent who's a Boomer and also a traditionalist parent. And they invented the term workaholic. And so they really invested that into me growing up that your worth, and your value is based off of what you put out into the world. And that really caught up with me while I was teaching. You know, I put 150% into everything that I did, and rarely put back into myself. And it got to the point where it was damaging my relationships with my peers, my students who I love more than anything in the world, and I started to burnout. And it was that last year of teaching, where I was having multiple anxiety attacks within a day and I left teaching one day just I went to the doctor, and I left my class with a fellow teacher. And I just went to the doctor and said, This is not working for me, I am breaking down, I am profusely crying all the time, I'm having a lot of stress. And, you know, that's when the conversation started surrounding my mental health. And at, you know, I was really struggling with at the time, they diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder. But now that, you know, I've had a few years in therapy, we're talking more about that it might be C-PTSD. So that's complex, post traumatic stress disorder, and that's based off of things from my childhood trauma that I've experienced in adulthood as well. Because I was, you know, for example, assaulted on the job as a teacher too. And there's, you know, other layers of that, that not really gonna go into but, you know, that coupled with what I found out recently, which is that I have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, which really rings true to me because I've always struggled with like sitting still, you know, managing my attention, that sort of thing. And that's really helped me to see myself in a new way. And start that healing journey of, you know, healing those broken parts of myself that I buried so deep. for long periods of time, I even turned to things like alcohol eating, you know, those sorts of things in order to cope, and it just wasn't working for me, it was affecting my marriage too greatly. There were several times in my marriage where my husband came to me and said, I'm at my limit, you know, I can't do this anymore. And so we went to therapy. Together, we started our own individual work, to, you know, figure out what's going on with us as individuals. And it's really been a very enlightening journey. For me, I've learned a lot about forgiveness of myself, along the way, resiliency, and how to be better support not only for myself, but also for the people around me.
Sara Miller:I love that. And, you know, the, the journey of like, labels of what you're struggling with is really fascinating to me, because in my experience, I mine was not even a conversation, I found it on some paperwork. And I was like, What the heck, like you didn't even want to be like, Hey, we think this is generalized anxiety disorder, not that I mean, that that's what they labeled me with in this was at a student health and wellness center. It was at my university and that was infuriating on so many levels, but then at the same time, it was clarifying. And it gave me that power of like, this is what this is, I have this like, box that it fits in to an extent so that I can manage it so that I know what I'm dealing with on some level. So I'm curious about your experience with that, especially with the shift from okay, we thought this was this, and now we think it's this and then we've got we're throwing in the ADHD and all of that. How did that? How did you navigate that?
Lisa Guen:That is, you know, that's a very difficult thing to navigate. Because we as human beings, we'd love our labels, we get attached to those labels. And it gives us some sort of like, comfort and clarity. But at the same time, I remember when I was sitting in my, in the doctor's office, and I had my husband with me, I looked at him and I said, I feel overwhelmed. And I started crying. Because my entire life, I knew something was off, not necessarily like there's something bad about me, it's that there's something missing here in terms of being able to care for myself in the best possible way. I don't have the language for that. And as much as it shifted over the years, and it might shift again, because the DSM five is complicated. And it just requires years of observation and therapy to get to the root of what it is that you're experiencing. And so yeah, it could potentially change again, and I might have to be flexible in my understanding of myself. And that's really just the point of growth in your individual journey is getting beyond your own personal barriers, and tapping into okay, how do I use the information at this point in time, to, you know, serve my mental health in the best kind of way, so it wasn't easy. But I've recognized that I have to detach myself from those labels that I have it but I am not that I am anxious person. But anxiety is not the only factor within my life.
Sara Miller:Yeah, I think that's an excellent point. Just not letting it be your entire personality, your entire thing. I think I see that a lot with people who struggle with mental illnesses where they attach this label to themselves and they lose themselves in it. And I'll see the same thing in marriage and motherhood where people attach this role or this this label of, okay, I'm a mother or I am I am generalized anxiety disorder I am whatever else I am this disabled person or I'm not disabled or I am this and it's not. Identity is so much more complex than that. And if you lose yourself in one aspect, you lose this balance that you need to care for yourself appropriately and I think that also speaks well to the nature of your needs evolving through your life. You know, my, my self care looks a lot different from when I was single in college and had like, basically no responsibility and not a no child, and all of that it's drastically different. Because my, the time I have available is different. My I mean it, it changes you, it changes the way your mind works, especially becoming a mom, there's this deep connection that's very difficult to unplug from that like responsibility. So I love that that thought. For you, so, being so new to to motherhood having a two month old, how was that transition for you?
Lisa Guen:You know, it's, it's been so rewarding, but challenging as well trying to figure out and be like, you know, how do I take care of his needs on top of my own on top of having ADHD and being easily, you know, distracted and having so many things on my mind. But one of the things that I have to recognize, too, and I'm glad you brought up labels, which is that, as much as I love my son, I cannot solely just be a mother, there are so many more aspects to myself. And I learned that recently and the past two years, the importance of not just labeling myself as one thing, because that's what happened in my marriage, I just considered myself a wife. And I lost so many parts of myself along the way, that I was just people pleasing and accommodating to everyone else around me and I was drowning. Now I stopped doing things like creating artwork, I stopped singing, I stopped playing music, I stopped, you know, speaking my mind having an opinion, bringing my full self to the table. And for me, that's something that I definitely want to take further into motherhood, which is at I love my son, he means so much to me. But love in my 30s is very different from the love within my 20s love within my 20s was You are everything you are my whole entire world. But love now to me is described as you're a planet in my galaxy, you're very important to me, there are other planets that are also very important to me of different sizes. And I need to care for all of those things and keep them turning, otherwise, my universe crashes down upon me. And so my husband and I are doing a lot of juggling back and forth with one another, using a lot of our resources and reaching up for community. And, you know, trying not to just take this all on upon ourselves, which is hard for us to do. Because we are both the type of people that do everything for ourselves are incredibly independent, you know, don't rely on anyone. But that's not the purpose. And beauty of parenthood is those connections that you make along the way, helping you to thrive. And it's just been really, you know, great to evolve into that new mindset.
Sara Miller:Yeah, I think one of the greatest things that comes with motherhood is community there is this sense of connection with other moms that have been through it. So, but it's still I will say it is still hard to reach out and ask for help. Even you know, one of the best things that I experienced becoming a mom in that transition and just like going through all that, you know, I personally gave birth in June 2020. So like peak of the pandemic so we were very, very isolated. Nobody else outside of like doctors and nurses met or held my son until he was like either six or eight weeks old somewhere in there. And that was tough. But I had in a co worker who was a mom, she had a we were they were about a little less than a year apart. And she was a saving grace having her she was checking in with me constantly. And you know, I personally went through postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety that was pretty bad, especially amplified by that. That isolation and COVID and everything happening around us and just the like, not knowing the vaccine wasn't a thing yet. And it was just a lot but um, I struggled to reach out for help, but she was she was initiating that which was a big help for me personally. So yeah, I mean, I think that's a great point in terms of that self care peace meeting with self care and with keeping life in balance. And keeping all your planets aligned and rotating. To kick off that analogy. You need other people's involvement at times for that self care, especially in motherhood, I think I hear a lot that, oh, I don't have time, you know, I've got four kids reading around when like, you have a partner, you have people around, you lean into it, and let them support you, because they love you. And they want you to be your best self. And, frankly, it is so so important for your children to see you caring for yourself, because you don't want them to be where you're you're at, if you're not caring for yourself, right? You love them enough that you want them to do that. So teach by example, in that sense.
Lisa Guen:Yeah, absolutely. It's something I definitely want. For my son at. LJ and I are both very incredibly introverted people too. And so, me being, you know, dealing with my anxiety, my CPTSD, my ADHD, I tend to self isolate a lot in order to cope and deal and I can definitely stay in my own sort of like, bubble. But I don't want that for my son, I want him to be able to have community. And if I'm not reaching out to people, if I'm not making connections, then, you know, unfortunately, he might struggle as a result of that. So it does require a lot of courage on my part, the like, seek out and ask for that help is one of the reasons why I named my blog, courageous, curvaceous, it's not about living fearlessly. Because you'll always have fear, you can't avoid it. It's about finding that courage to tap into those parts of yourself that, you know, might be telling you to self sabotage, or do the opposite. And, you know, invest into yourself and the people that you love and care about.
Sara Miller:That is, I remember how hard it was asking for help, you know, when we were when I got my initial like, anxiety to diagnosis, and then even later with postpartum depression and anxiety, I had already flex that muscle. So that was a little bit of an easier ask for me, I think. But yeah, I mean, that that is so challenging to to reach out for that help. And to be that, that vulnerable. So I think courage takes a lot of vulnerability, even within your close relationships within your marriage. So I'm curious, you know, you mentioned definitely struggling with your husband, with your marriage at times because of your anxiety because of your CPTSD. What struggles I mean, if you're open to sharing what that looked like, what that went, what you went through there.
Lisa Guen:Yeah. So when I actually first met my husband, I actually had an eating disorder for 15 years, and I'm talking about that a lot on, you know, my space and my bubble. And an eating disorder can really, like affect your entire interpretation of the world around you, and how you see yourself and your value. And, you know, my husband would often be so sweet and endearing and say things like, I wish that you could see yourself the way that I see you. And I just couldn't see myself that way. And there were times where it just got too difficult in recovery, that I couldn't do it alone. And I had to go to therapy, and I had to reach out for help. And I'm so thankful that he had these difficult conversations with me that he he's such a bold person. And I love that about him that he is willing to have those hard conversations. And it takes a lot of love to have those, those difficult conversations to to not, you know, watered down. And he just basically said, you need help. And you need to get that support. Because it's affecting how you see yourself how you perceive other people. And once I made that shift, and going to therapy and working on myself, I realized that a lot of anxiety was rooted in assuming what other people thought of me. And really rooted in the heaviness of what I carry, in terms of, you know, what it means to be a woman, what it means to be, you know, just a female in our society and, you know, carrying that sort of sense that you're always too much, but at the same time, you'll never be enough. You're either too thin or too you know, fat to thick take up space, but not too much Speak your mind. But don't be too loud. And, you know, there's a lot of stigma around mental health, and also femininity being a woman. And I really needed to work through that. And that's why now I'm a self proclaimed feminist, and green, a lot of that into my marriage too. And it's hard because there are times when he also has to check himself. And he has to look at his perceptions that he's learned from society, about women, and we have to have those accountability conversations, because neither one of us is perfect. And the thing that has really helped us to navigate that are those like I statements, I feel frustrated when you do this, or when this occurs, because it results in this effect. And we've started to normalize those if statements more often. And really checking our tone of voice really working on our body language a lot. And really trying to assume that we're always coming from a positive intent, that we're not intentionally going out of our way to be difficult or to sometimes be offensive towards one another, or to hurt one another. But we have areas that we need to work on. And it's our responsibility to ourselves and to one another, to be assertive, which both of us have not always been assertive. Now. And so we've worked on those communication skills in therapy. And it's really been helpful for us, especially me being somebody who has always grown up within my childhood being told, like children are to be seen and not heard, sort of mentality. And so it's really helped me to feel comfortable within myself and to finally just embrace fully who I am. And he's also really learning to love and accept himself more to and it's really been great to see him grow.
Sara Miller:Yeah, I love that. I think it's definitely important that both both people are working on themselves, right? Because if one is and the other isn't, it just doesn't it doesn't balance out. And I love the point about your husband being being bold in having those tough conversations of like, you need help. Because I've definitely been there and what's interesting is my husband is definitely not like the bolt personality type. He's a nine on the Enneagram. He's a peacekeeper, he's like nah, nonconfrontational. Yet, when I was at, like my lowest, he was still the one to go home, like you, you have to go like this is not, you have to go talk to a doctor, you have to this is not normal. To be experiencing what you're experiencing like you, you're not thriving, you're not doing well, you're just barely surviving at this point. So for me, that was definitely very pivotal. He was a very important part in my, like, anxiety story of like, being able to actually he literally walked me to this appointment, because I cancelled more than, more than once, avoiding it and just being scared of talking about it, because I grew up in a fairly religious household where you prayed it away. And don't get me wrong, like, religion can be a great part of your mental health story. But it's not everything. And it's not a instead of, and it's not wrong, to seek out help through medication or through therapy. So I think that was a big barrier for me that I had to get over. And even still, that part of my life impacted my journey through that where I frankly, stopped going to church because of conversations that I had when I decided to go on medication for it at the time. That's what I needed. And that was the best option for me, and I was judged for it. And I want to be cognizant of like, that's not everybody, that's not every Christian, that's not every church, but that was my personal experience and my personal trauma around it.
Lisa Guen:I'm glad you brought up the point of spirituality too, because I too, grew up in a very highly religious household. And so there was a lot of stigma surrounding mental health as a result. And, and I too, grew up and that's sort of like us prayer. Otherwise, you're just choosing to be depressed. You're choosing to be anxious, you're making that choice, not a biological thing. And you know, there's a lot of generational trauma within my family surrounding that, you know, a lot of the women in my family struggle with mental health, and they don't help and it really affects their family dynamics. And I see it being passed on to the next generation of kids. And something I really don't want my son more than anything is I want him to feel comfortable having a voice talking about, you know, these issues. And for me, personally, my spirituality is actually grown in a lot of ways. Because of this new understanding of the world, I take in the good parts. Yeah, I've left the bad. And I've combined it with this, you know, beauty of science and psychology through my work and what I do. And, you know, I use love and light as my biggest message as my biggest driver, in helping other people and getting help for myself. And so as much as it was difficult to get past some of that religious trauma, and, you know, to work through that, I'm now in a place where I just feel very good in my spirituality, I label it less. I don't necessarily define it in specifics, but I keep it very broad. And I, that helps me to know, at the core, what are my values? And how do I lived those out in life? And that's definitely helped me to work through a lot of, like, personal anxiety because of it. Yeah,
Sara Miller:I think that's a great, great aspect of it, and like just taking it and making it work for you, and what is actually supporting you. So I think that's awesome. I think that like values piece, and what really matters to you, is so much clearer when you don't have this like rulebook. You don't have this, like, this is what you do. And this is wrong. And this is right. There's gray area. And yeah, I could do a whole soapbox soapbox on that. But um, yeah, I
Lisa Guen:Glennon Doyle. Have you ever read the book Untamed?
Sara Miller:I have not. I can picture the cover, though. I've seen it. And I've heard about it,
Lisa Guen:You have toread it. Because in her book, she talks about how everyone has this knowing. You know, we a lot of people who have like religious trauma, or grew up in highly religious households, there's a part of you sometimes that are that have been shared messages where you're like, This really conflicts with my internal knowing. And that is really just your values, saying like, you know, there are some parts of this that I really value and take away with me. And then there are other parts where it just doesn't fit for me, and it's okay to step back and be like, that just doesn't fit. That's not the box that I fit into, you know, I don't thrive well under those circumstances. And so her book is a really great resource for just being comfortable with your knowing. And she's also states in our book that I would be very cautious and leery of any institutions that cause you to not accept and love yourself or accept and love other people fully, more, you know, what they bring to the table, and that book has really shaped me in terms of like, working through that anxiety within myself and accepting and loving the person that I am.
Sara Miller:I love that, I'll definitely link that book below and put it on my, on my list. My, my very long to be read list that I'm trying to trying to get back to. That's one of my things that in shifting to a new job I'm trying to make more time for is reading because I know that reading is an area that supports me and my self care and allowing me to rest and recharge and just enjoy myself and have fun. And I think that that speaks back to that like workaholism. You know, I personally have struggled with spending my time on things without it being something that is productive by like, societal standard, whether that's making money or like, I don't know, a lot of like making money or developing my career or whatever else that's deemed productive. And I see that a lot in women feeling like, well, I don't have time for self care, because that's not productive. Guys no. It's so productive to spend time on yourself and Let yourself recharge. Because if you're not, you're so overwhelmed. You're so anxious, you're so overstimulated and frustrated, and you're not allowing yourself to feel nourished. You're not allowing yourself to feel balance and peace so that you can show up as the best version of yourself. Soapbox over.
Lisa Guen:I think a lot of people struggle with this concept. Because working on yourself, and sitting with yourself is uncomfortable, really hard to do, it's so much easier to say I'm busy, I don't have the time. But when you start shifting and saying, it's not a priority, instead of it's not a better time, you start really recognizing how you're devaluing yourself. And that's one of the reasons why I love this book that I've read recently. It's called The Mountain is You, it's by Brianna Wiest. It's about transforming your self sabotaging behaviors and like self mastery. And I think that me in general in our society could definitely afford to sit with our own uncomfortability more, and recognize that while our emotions are heavy, they don't have to define us, our actions are changeable or values are changeable. And so I definitely think that if we start to tap into some of those self sabotaging behaviors a little bit more, maybe we would prioritize that maybe we would make a little bit more.
Sara Miller:Yeah, I, I've been working with a mindset coach recently, and a lot of what I've been having to do, and she's like a mindset business coach, so it's a little more focus specifically on that, but, um, and she's fantastic. So a lot of what I've had to do with her is sitting with thoughts, and she's asking these these very, like prying questions, and I'm like, Oh, crap, like, I didn't even know that was there, like, in just this like, subconscious thought process. And one of my favorite things that she has me do is I'm, I'm working on noticing my thoughts and not just brushing it off and brushing it off. And instead of letting that thought have the power and being like, oh, you know, let's, so body image is a big part for me. So let's say, Oh, I'm having I feel like I'm fat. Or I'm this, I will have say, I am having the thought that...insert hear. And taking the power of like, well, that doesn't mean that that's true. Just because I'm having the thought doesn't mean it's true about myself or that whatever else or it can also be taking that thought and realizing I'm having the thought that my whole life is going to fall apart. Because I'm running late. That is stupid. Like that is not logical and being able to break it down. You were talking recently, I think on Instagram about catastrophizing. And that actually came up in my coaching, I was telling her about your, your video and all of this. And that is such a great way to really tune into your thoughts and realize when you're doing that,
Lisa Guen:yes, disputing irrational beliefs. That's something that's so difficult to do, especially in the moment, like, I know that I hop on my Instagram, and I'm like, try this, do this, you know, yada, yada, yada. Putting it into practice, when you are so emotionally vulnerable to yourself. And your own anxiety is really difficult to remind yourself to do but the more that you start to, you know, make those resources available around you and you start practicing them on a daily basis. You don't wait until it's a problem, you're proactive about it. And more that it becomes easier to do. And so I'm glad that you brought up like meditation and sitting with your thoughts and being an observer to them. And that's why I recently developed a disputing irrational beliefs worksheets on my page for people to utilize and it's kind of like a little checklist that you can go through with yourself. Am I holding myself to a double standard meaning like, Would I hold a friend to this standard? What I talked to somebody else this way? Questions such as, you know, am I living out my values by accepting this belief or is everything that I'm telling myself factual and even if it is factual, it doesn't make it helpful. You know, it doesn't make it helpful to focus our attention and purpose in life into that and that's the thing about therapy that I love most and particularly like cognitive behavioral therapy. that it focuses on teaching you that your thoughts really affect how you feel. And you take actions based off. Yeah. And it really affects your entire mindset. And how you view yourself, other people in the world around you. So you really want to be able to change your life for the better, we have to start getting in control of our thoughts, rather than the learning our thoughts control us, which is difficult for me to do living with ADHD. It's about being proactive in your care rather than reactive to it. Because ultimately, that's when it becomes habit. That's intentional and purposeful in our lives.
Sara Miller:Yeah, yeah, I that is definitely an important aspect. You know, for me, my self care journey was somewhat reactive. But through it, I learned to be proactive, because I got to a point where I got interested in it because of my struggles, and because of just feeling so worn down and overwhelmed, and frustrated and anxious, and all of all of these negative emotions, right. So I think that's such a critical piece of the puzzle is that proactive, that proactive piece, and I love the thought about, you know, your, your thoughts and your beliefs turn into action. And it really is that your thoughts, built these beliefs, these internal beliefs that then result in action that maybe you don't actually want to be taking. But you don't even realize how you're getting there to begin with. And by breaking that down, and realizing what's happening that is so powerful.
Lisa Guen:One of the things that I teach a lot in my trainings is that anxiety, a lot of the times is actually deeply rooted and not living out your purpose and your values. And so if you feel like your actions do not align with your values, you will feel anxious. So one of the activities that I encourage people to do is to sit down and make a list of all the most important values in your life, then write down and celebrate how you are living out those actions, because it is important to celebrate those moments, whether they're big or small. And then from there, consider how am I not? And how isn't it causing me anxiety, like for example, you know, often mothers struggle with, I don't have enough time for my kids, I don't have enough time for, you know, myself or things like that. And so if you get to the root of how your thoughts are not matching with those values, you realize, well, maybe I just need to change my thoughts. Maybe I need to change my perception. Maybe the way that I'm thinking isn't serving me well. And a lot of the times I think people are focusing especially on that negativity bias on, you know, their weaknesses more than their strengths. But I encourage people to also consider that sometimes our strengths are just over utilized, and they become our weaknesses, which can also be a source of our anxiety. So like, for example, I am the highly like, disciplined person, I like structure policy. Uh huh. You know, like 12345 steps and linear thinking, that sort of, sort of thing. But it outweighs my ability to connect with people, which is something that I am very good at, then I do get anxious, because I feel like I'm not balancing those values and those virtues well, so sometimes it's a matter of taking off like one hat and putting on another. And the second that I stopped seeing them as weaknesses, just over utilization of strengths and what is comfortable for me, the less that I guilted myself, shamed myself, made myself feel less than I realized, like these are good things, they just have to come with balance.
Sara Miller:I love that because that that balance piece is so so critical. And a lot of times when I when I'm talking about self care, you know, there's things that come up where the internet the people on the internet and the mental health communities tend to be very divided on what self care is. In you'll see people that are like bubble baths and face masks, that's not self care, it's drinking water and taking care of your body or XYZ. But it's all of it. It is striking a balance in what how you care for yourself. And then again, there's that parallel of balancing your thoughts and allowing yourself to to pull from these different parts of yourself and the strengths and the weaknesses. I love that because you know personally I'm I'm very Much I structure person but then I have this creative streak. So it's this weird balance this very like two sided thing my old boss was talking about rehiring for my role. And she was like, I found like, the exact replica of you. It's like a 60% structure like side of her brain and 40% creative. And that's, like, that's probably a pretty accurate description. But I'll find myself, you know, leaning too far into the structure. And then when I do that, I can't be creative. And I can't, like, lean into myself and really, like, feel good about what I'm doing. Or I'll pull the complete opposite. And then I'm like, I can't function what's happening, this is not working. But by striking that balance, I find what works best for me, especially like, as a content creator, it's like, I need that structure in place to support myself. But then if I get stuck on trying to like, take somebody else's structure and apply it to how I work, or putting that pressure on myself to check off every single box and do every single post I have planned or like, make sure to meet every single deadline, then I procrastinate, and I fail. So yeah, I just love that piece.
Lisa Guen:I love that you talked about, you know, balance with wellness. And yeah, the wellness industry in general, as a lot of like conflicting messages surrounding like how to best take care of yourself, how in the field that I am, and how we define wellness is that it is a combination of taking care of your mind, body spirit. And those are three areas that overlap one another, one area can significantly impact another, you know, if you are not working on your spirit, your vitality without your virtues and your values, it can cause you to not take good care of your like physical health and well being and things like that. So they're all interconnected with one another. And I really wish we would have more conversations around. It's not just like a one fixed solution. It is a constant, fluctuating, ever evolving process. And what balance looks like to you today could be very different from tomorrow from a year from now from 10 years from now. But the point is to continuously check in with yourself evolve that self awareness and say, Is this working for me? Is it not? Am I living out my truth? Am I living out my knowing as Glennon Doyle says in her book, and you know, applying that on a day to day basis, so we need to stop shaming and guilting ourselves into thinking like, I've got to get perfect, I've got to get it right. Yeah, because there's no such thing as that. It's always fluctuating.
Sara Miller:Mm hmm. Yeah, that's definitely been. Gosh, I mean, you're just spot on. I don't know, if I have any more to add to that. It's just, you're spot on, it's so hard to strike that balance. And it's so important to be aware of it and be aware of your needs and meeting your needs as they change. I mean, I think that goes back into that like evolving through different life phases too. And like, your needs, literally daily will change and that's the, one of the most critical pieces that mindfulness of your needs. Of having an effective like self care, routine or regimen, not even a routine or a regimen because then you kind of get stuck in that doing the same thing but like knowing your your toolbox and what you want to pull from and what is supporting you and what you need. I've recently been working on movement because that is something that I have struggled immensely with, with just a history of like very like disordered eating a disordered relationship with movement with with health with physical health. I've struggled a lot. You know, I through high school stayed very thin very easily. It was just Well, I say easily but looking back thinking about my what I was doing in my relationship. There was probably some stuff that was not great happening. But into college, I ended up gaining a lot of weight in on birth control and on Zoloft, which was real fun. And with that history, I've struggled with that movement with that nutrition and striking that balance. So, circling back, just focusing on movement. One of the things that I've been doing since I guess late January is pretty much yoga for four to five times a week. And that has been so good I found so I've really enjoyed Yoga with Adriene because her yoga practices are very body neutral, there's not like, or even body positive, I would say, I mean, it's not about, oh, getting flat abs or this or that. And it's been like one of the first things to click where I feel like, I'm allowed to tune into what feels good in that moment, whether that's a 20 minute practice that has my abs on fire, or if it's a 10 minute little, like restful Shil thing, but I'm still doing something to fill my cup. And it's very much like a spiritual and physical thing at the same time. And it's taught me so much about tuning into my body's needs. So for instance, like, earlier this week, I had done one session and like, totally, like, tweaked my knee did something funky, Funky. And the next day, my first thought was, like, I'll just skip it and was like, hold on, no, we're gonna shift, and we're gonna pick something that is going to work better. For me, she's 1000s, this person has 1000s of videos, and it's like, I can go and find something that's gonna work for a sore knee, like, it's fine, I will do something. And it felt better the next day, because I've moved it and I did something. And I was proactive, I guess, in choosing to move and meet that need. And by by doing that, kind of balanced myself out and meeting all of those needs, and allowing myself the space to tune in to what was going on with my thoughts, and to tune into that, like spirituality and trusting myself. So I was, I don't know, a very long winded aside,
Lisa Guen:It's self sabotaging, you know, like, it's, it's easy. If we are so busy in life, that we don't pay attention to those thoughts, it's very easy to let those thoughts go unchecked. And it prevents us from feeling things that are really important for, you know, our wellness, and I'm glad you brought up, you know, the your whole relationship, thank you for being vulnerable about your relationship with your body. Because I know a lot of people struggle with that. And a lot of women, particularly, you know, struggle with that, too. If you ever have the chance to read the book, I know, I'm just like a book resource. But I am such a book nerd. And I do read a lot of books for work. The book, Your Body is Not an Apology is such a wonderful resource for looking at yourself in a very different way and giving yourself grace, like, I know so many people that just dream of the day of feeling very neutral about their existence and themselves. Not positive, not negative, this acceptance. Yeah, and it's a great resource for teaching you where a lot of those thoughts actually come from, where do they stem from in terms of like society, and the pressure that we put on ourselves, how it affects our relationship with our food, and, you know, it's just an endless vicious cycle. And that's something I struggled with, like I said, for 15 years, I had an eating disorder. And, you know, I'm finally at a point where I'm exercising just for mental health. Like, I'm not doing it for losing weight, I share my videos online that you see on a daily basis. And, you know, I check in with myself in terms of like, Am I growing my strength, and my growing my, like mental and physical strength, am I building upon those goals, and I stopped weighing myself as much because the scale lies like, I literally have, before I got pregnant, I was in the best shape that I've been in my life in a long time. And I weighed a lot, you know, I had a lot of muscle on there. And so I needed to really reevaluate it. And one of the things that's also been really helpful for me perceiving my body very differently from where I was in high school, because I know you said you, you struggle with that to that comparison. Yeah, we were children then. Yeah. Body right. We are in a woman's body now. Yeah. And this is a beautiful woman's body. This is, you know, brought life in the world. This has, you know, the ability to nurture my child and to sustain life. So yeah, my body looks different. I'm not in a child's body anymore. And you know, if that's the standard for society, we really need to take a look at that.
Sara Miller:There's some disturbing thoughts to explore there.
Lisa Guen:The standard of how I need to look then, yeah, I have issue with though. It's hard, loving and accepting your body. The first step definitely is neutrality and just learning that you don't have to look like other People I don't have to look like for was I don't have to. I don't have to be anything other than just who I want to be. And right now the person that I want to be, is just comfortable and loving in their skin a good mom, just taking care of myself. Yeah.
Sara Miller:So good. Well, I have two final questions for you. So, first, I always like to ask, so what is your like, favorite form of self care. And like bonus points, if it's something that people maybe don't think of traditionally, is self care, no pressure, it totally is. But like your thing that really just fills your cup and makes you feel good, your go to.
Lisa Guen:I love spending time with animals and in nature. Like for me, one of the things that I do to live intentionally is like, connecting with animals on a weekly basis. So like, I've made friends with all neighborhood cats. I go to the duck pond, and I feed them ducks, you know, and I, you know, love spending time with my dogs and things like that. Many of you probably who follow me, seen Ted the alpaca is the alpaca that lives in the farmland that's behind my house. And you know what Ted and I we have conversations on a regular basis. And I just share my day honey, you know, connect with these animals. So yeah, I'm a little weird and awkward in that sense. But I love connecting with animals. And just like getting outside and going on nature walks, and like mindfulness walks are really important to me going and observing, you know, what are what am I feeling in terms of like, temperature, and you know, the breeze on my neck? And that really, really...
Sara Miller:grounding?
Lisa Guen:Yeah, it's very grounding. Because I'm always in my head, I'm always disassociating. And just like, and disassociation, a lot of people think of it in like, really drastic turns almost to the terms of like psychosis, which is not really not even daydreaming a lot, is considered to be like this association. So, you know, for me, I have lived so much of my life in my head, thinking of the future or trying to fix something in the past, which I cannot fix. So having that grounding technique is really great. And sometimes I do a barefoot, it's nice to
Sara Miller:connect Earth. I love that. Yeah, but the animal piece is definitely really powerful. For me. I think there's a lot of just therapeutic like connection there where there's just like, this space of like, no judgement, where you're you're not alone. But you're also not with another human. You're it's, it's different. I am.
Lisa Guen:Oh, I don't know because my dog judges the hell out of me. No, no, all dogs have anxiety disorders, by the way. So they all were just a whole family of anxiousness. And so my dog always looks at me like,
Sara Miller:Oh, are you doing? Yeah. But one of my one of my old mentors actually has a care farm where she like brings in people and they do therapy, and it's so cool. But yeah, connection with animals is good. I mean, I know my my pet. My dog was originally adopted as an emotional support animal, and I just got tired of dealing with the nonsense of the paperwork. So he's not official anymore, I guess. But whatever. It's,
Lisa Guen:yeah.
Sara Miller:He's official in my heart. Um, yeah. That's what matters. So yeah. Last question. I know, you mentioned you have an awesome, like thought worksheet that you have linked, but we're out, like, Where can where can they find you? Where can they get more of you?
Lisa Guen:So they can find me on Instagram. My handle is at@courageous.curvaceous. And I basically have a lot of those documents linked in my highlight buttons, one specifically that's labeled self care and self love. No, it's labeled self love. And so basically, the links to all of those documents are there, it takes you to my Dropbox, you can download them for free. And so these are resources that are very similar to the ones that I developed in my job as a training development specialist. And I, I want people to understand that I do not just like come up with this information myself. A lot of it is truly research based. I do work with a lot of therapists and a lot of counselors. I do read a lot of studies to ensure that I am providing very accurate information, very data driven information. So I think that's something that I bring to the table that's a little bit different, which is at It is heavily based off of research. And I don't mean research by like Google. I mean, evidence that right practice that really works that there are studies in universities and groups that are, are really proving the effectiveness of these techniques. And so they can locate it there. I'm also located on Twitter as@lisaguenraymond. And then also I have my website, which is curvaceous and...., courageous. Sorry, I got that wrong. I don't know my own website, sometimes...It is courageousandcurvaceous.com. And so a lot of that information is there, it's still transforming. I'm transforming from my makeup and fashion more into mental health. I'll still share some of those things. But I realized along the way that a lot of the messages within the beauty and fashion industry were negatively impacting me and my self perception. And I want to empower women to love their bodies love themselves fully with makeup without, you know, they don't have to be the most fashionable or things like that. So that's where they can locate me.
Sara Miller:I love it. I will be sure to link all of that. And thank you so much for coming on and sharing all of that insight and your experiences and everything was so good.
Lisa Guen:Absolutely. Thanks for having me on.
Sara Miller:Thank you so much for joining me today. Before you go be sure to grab my free Own Your Self Care Starter Kit by visiting theselfcare.life/own-your-self-care/. This kit is specially designed to help you identify what kind of self care will work best for you. That way you can start developing your own self care lifestyle. If you'd like to stay connected find me on Instagram at @sarastrives or on TikTok at@TheSelfCareLifestyle. Thank you so much for listening and I will talk to you again, soon.